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Helping
Dad Stay Independent: The Best Father's Day
Gift for an Aging Parent - A Checklist from
Dr. Dan Tobin, Founder and CEO of Care
Support of America
NEW YORK, June 10 /PRNewswire/ -- "As our
fathers age, they want to remain
independent, not be a burden, and -- no
offense -- they usually don't want to move
in with their children," says Dr. Dan Tobin,
Founder and CEO of Care Support of America
and a nationally recognized expert on
eldercare and family caregiving.
"Helping your Dad safely age at home can be
the best gift -- and the best Father's Day
gift -- you can give him, once you notice
even small changes in his ability to get
around."
"Remember Men are from Mars? Men do not
often express their feelings freely or at
all.
"So
if your father is living alone, it will be
harder for you to know how he is doing," Dr.
Tobin says.
The hardest part may be getting your Dad to
open up about practical and emotional
issues."
Dr. Tobin advises: "Go slow and steady.
Approach one issue at a time. Fathers may
want to appear as if they're always in
control, even when things have begun to
slip. Let your Dad know that you are there
to help without getting in his space.
"In
order to assess how he's doing living on his
own, here is a checklist of issues for you
to explore with him. Then, if there are
problems, you can address them, and find
your father the help he'll need to stay
independent."
Activity and Connectedness
"The most important indicators for wellness
in aging are staying physically active and
staying connected to others or to a
community. Does your Dad appear to be
slowing down? Is he less mobile? Is he
exercising, interacting with his neighbors,
or participating in senior-activity
programs? We tend to look away from physical
changes that are important in supporting our
Dads."
Housekeeping
"When you visit your father at his home,
look around and get a quick reading on
whether he could use help with home repairs
or housecleaning. Remember to think about
preventing falls, which cause serious
problems as your Dad ages."
Nutrition
"Is your father eating properly? What's in
his refrigerator?"
Adaptive
Technologies
"Is your Dad's strength or mobility reduced
in any way? Would he benefit from, or even
enjoy using, any adaptive devices from low
tech to high, such as kitchen utensils or
tools with bigger grips, or a webcam or an
e-mail device for seniors?"
Driving
"Driving may be one of the most difficult
issues to discuss. Men almost always resist
the need to stop driving. Your Dad's driving
skills need to be re-assessed in light of
vision, responsiveness, hearing, and night
vision. If his driving is restricted, be
willing to compromise -- maybe driving only
in the daytime or in familiar places. You
can also help in setting him up with
alternative transportation services."
Finances
"If your Dad has not discussed family
finances with you before, be aware that
finances can be one of the most personal
parts of family dynamics. You can start by
finding out if your Dad's personal finances
are in order -- bills, rent, mortgage,
credit cards, taxes, etc. Does he have
enough money for extras?
"If
his budget is stretched, you can try to find
free services in his community. If possible,
you can also offer to pay for services such
as home health aides, home repairs, cleaning
services, transportation, and
entertainment."
"Often an individualized family plan goes a
long way to show your Dad that the entire
family is mobilized around giving him the
gift he really, really wants for Father's
Day -- independence and support," Dr. Tobin
says.
Family care managers, like Care Support of
America, can help, particularly if you're in
a distant city. They can professionally
organize a problem list and assess any
pressing issues, including home safety,
locating credible home services,
understanding the basic finances of wellness
in aging, and how best for families to
support their father's independence.
About Dr. Dan
Tobin
Dan Tobin, MD, is Founder and CEO of Care
Support of America a national family care
manager service.
He is an adjunct assistant professor of
psychiatry (health psychology) at Dartmouth
Medical School and the author of books and
articles on eldercare issues and positive
solutions to family caregiving problems.
About Care Support of America
Care Support of America (http://www.caresupportofamerica.com/)
is an independent family care manager
service that helps identify and solve family
caregiving problems to provide trusted
guidance as your parents age.
The service begins with a personal family
care manager on the phone, working with a
local nurse, to locate and mobilize trusted
home care resources in the parent's
community; help you understand their
doctor's treatment plans and information;
help insure that parents remain independent
in their home; and answer questions about
Medicare, long-term insurance, and basic
finances.
Care Support of America has provided family
care manager services in 32 states.
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