Computer Love

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America's Seniors

Senior Relationships...If love were like a computer

Last month, our resident authority on relationships, Ralph Burns,
discussed the importance of chemistry in relationships. (Click here
if you missed this wonderful article.) This month, Ralph shares a
delightful modern fable about love in computer lingo. We liked it so
much, we decided to put it in this month's Relationship page.

Scene: A customer at a 'computer' love store:

LOVE Customer Service Representative to customer: Can you install LOVE?
Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to do it now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install LOVE while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see....I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to delete old recycled and corrupted files stored in your memory. They slow down instillation of new programs. Also, completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and find FORGIVENESS.EXE. Use this program as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin linking to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Now, click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT,
REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE and all SABOTAGE files in your directories, and then empty your recycle bin to make sure they are completely gone and never come up again.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.EXE is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: OK. LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go. Remember, LOVE is free-ware. Be sure to give LOVE and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will, in turn, share it with other people and give some really neat LOVE modules back to you. Only those systems running LOVE programs can connect with others.

Customer: Thanks for helping me to get LOVE installed and running with all my programs. I can't wait to connect with others who have the LOVE program.

CS Rep: Now you're humming. You'll be amazed how nice it is to have your programs running on LOVE--especially when you keep giving it away.

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