COPING WITH DEATH with Fay Donovan and Donelle Weiss

Let's talk about the ultimate taboo -- death.

Most of us don't want to think about end-of-life issues, let alone talk about them. Yet, whether you're a senior citizen or in your 50s or 40s or younger, it's time to start the conversation.

And, that's the theme of the Indiana Hospice and Palliative Care Organization's newest campaign: "Say You Care: Start the Conversation." We alluded to it in a column early in December. Initiated by the state group of which Hospice of the Calumet Area is a member, the project attempts to overcome one of the major hurdles -- talking about end-of-life issues.

Too often, conversations about end-of-life care begin when there is an emergency, in the midst of a crisis. Decisions are made quickly and under stress, most often in a hospital hall or emergency room. Wouldn't it be better to take time well before such a crisis to explore and talk about our needs and desires? Isn't it better to recognize that dying is a part of life and by accepting that fact, we can improve the quality of our lives by being prepared?

The state organization provides an end-of-life information packet that includes a guide on how to begin conversations with loved ones; frequently asked questions about hospice care and palliative care; tips on talking with your doctors about pain; an end-of-life workbook that provides questions to help people think about their future, make decisions and share them with those close to them; a pocket sized "conversations starter" that can be used as a tool to begin discussions; a wallet card that includes medical emergency information and where a person's advance directives are kept, and a statewide end-of-life resource directory.

It also includes a series of inserts that provide information depending on needs: Series 1, for those newly diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and their families and new caregivers; Series 2, for experienced caregivers and patients with a life expectancy of six months to a year, and Series 3, for those within the last six months of life and their families and caregivers.

The statewide campaign includes a speakers' bureau of professionals and volunteer community members to discuss the importance of end-of-life conversations and options for good care and for strategies in communicating needs. There also is a short video that may be used by speakers to help the audience learn, think and talk about end-of-life care and emphasizes hospice and palliative care as the model for quality care.

Community or religious groups wanting more information or to book a speaker may contact the state hospice organization at the toll-free number (866) 254-1910, or e-mail at inhospiceorg@att.net, or by calling Adrianne May, director of Hospice of the Calumet Area, at (219) 922-2720 in Indiana or (708) 895-8332 in Illinois. There is a minimal charge for the end-of-life information packets.

We all need to consider talking about these matters with one or more of the following: family, caregiver, friend, neighbor, physician or the person chosen to act if and when we should someday become unable to speak for ourselves.

One of the quotes in the end-of-life packet says it all: "The important thing if you care for someone -- whether it be a spouse, parent, child, neighbor or friend, it's time now to talk about end-of-life options -- well before you need them. Everyone over 18 should do this."